*****From Tami DePalma:
If you've gotten this far, you must know what uni-boob is. That sad, stuffy, sticky situation to which sports bras subject your ta-tas.
Have you ever sported a sports bra that smashes the living daylights out of you, making it hard to breathe? Alone, this malady wouldn't be so bad. But sports bras don't do what they are supposed to do. While they bring the girls very close together, they do nothing to keep them from going up and down. Up and down. Up and down.
I'm a runner. I play soccer. I do yoga. Further, I coach gymnastics, basketball and soccer. With a saggy sports bra, every up and down is followed by a lot of "Ouch!"
My situation got so bad that I resorted to double-teaming the double-team. I'd wear a regular bra to keep them separated. Then I'd top that with a sports bra to hold them in, tight. It worked. But you'd never see me change my jersey in front of the team for fear I'd get laughed off the field for how low I'd stooped to strap up the siblings.
Help is on the way!
On my last visit to Victoria's Secret I saw a typical sports bra, just my size, in the $12.99 bin. Any time I can get a bra for less than the cost of a yoga session, I'm all for it. As I proceeded to buy my bra and claim my free panty, I noticed the associate couldn't take her eyes off my chest.
Um, Hello? Am I back in the bar scene? My eyes are up here!
Quietly she asked, "Are you a runner?" Hopefully she could tell by my clothing, not my sweaty smell. I nodded uncomfortably, still wishing I could get her eye contact.
"I don't think you want that bra." She led me toward the back of the store.
"You're a C cup, right?" she asked. "Not to talk down about our products, but this is going to do to you what every other sports bra does. You know what I'm talking about..." She allowed me a moment to recall the last time performed a tuck jump on the vault in my double decker bra contraption.
"Try this one." She held up a sturdy, yet still feminine bra. Flexible wires, strong cups, thick yet attractive straps. It had hooks in the back, looking more like a regular bra than a sports bra. I doubted this pretty thang would "support" my athleticism. But as she finally made eye contact, and didn't even blink, I believed her when she said, "It will be the only sports bra you will ever wear."
I didn't even have time to try the thing on because my son was tired of hanging around the bra shop (4-year-olds have no patience!). Even though it was not from the sale bin, I snatched it up and headed home.
I pulled the VSX Sport Body-wick Adjustable Sculpt Bra ($42) out of the pretty pink gift bag. "Cushy cushy cool," stated the tag. "Go ahead and baby your body. Our soft, smooth and stretchy sculpt bra was designed for comfort."
Baby my body. We'll see . . .
The VSX felt good running. I swear I even felt lighter on my feet as I held my head high.
But the true test was on the soccer field. If this bra came in flying colors, it would earn a rainbow. Not once did I cross my arm over my front as I shot, just to keep any "obstacles" from blocking my view. I don't even remember whether we won or lost. I just knew by new bra got two thumbs (and a few other things) up!
If your cup size is bigger than a B, you've probably never worn a sports bra that did its job. As extroverted as I am, I've never been one to talk about my mammaries at parties. But this new bra has me telling everyone I know. Well, I try to limit my enthusiastic endorsement to well-endowed women who do some kind of cardio exercise on a regular basis.
I try. But sometimes I just cannot contain myself.
So maybe this will serve as therapy. The next time I get the urge to blurt about bras, I'll just send my friends to All Thumbs Review and save my embarrassment.
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